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Portrait of anorexia

I have been suffering from bulimia nervosa for 16 years with episodes of anorexia nervosa, now I have 41. What has happened is that I have a need to have great control over every inch, as this is impossible I do on myself, on my body, my food, and so on. It is a suffering  constant, as you never get satisfied with the result. I think it happens to me because I have a void inside me and I need to fill it either with the love of others or when that is not enough I do it with food and then I feel guilty and I need to vomit or purge. me. The hope when I am positive is what keeps me going, otherwise I would not be in this world. I hope someday everyone  these  thoughts I have diminish, but I also know that they will never completely disappear from me. But I would be happy with that. I long to be able to have a normal life, without depending on food or being dominated by it. 

I believe in life because where there is life there is hope and I know above all, now that I am better, that I can get out of it.


                                           Olga May 30, 2015

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